His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
