I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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