um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
