am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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