My friends, they love my intelligence
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
