is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
