I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
