Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize