I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
