i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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