please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
