Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
