You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
