I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
