i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
