Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
