Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
