it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
