I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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