it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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