Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
tell me about the eggs
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