i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This house was built for laser tag.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
