If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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