he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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