Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
