You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
