I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
