I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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