Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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