apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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