i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
