I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
