we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
