She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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