Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
