I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
