the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
