Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
