Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
