if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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