dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
