Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize