I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
