My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
