Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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