I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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