You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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