I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
