I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
