I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
