you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
