If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
