I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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