so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
