you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
