We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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