Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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