After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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