White coat. Heels.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
