When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
PANTIES FOUND
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