I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
