just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
