Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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