He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
