I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He better not be in your backpack
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
