Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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