Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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