just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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