it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
