i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
